Awkward things I’ll definitely do at my support group

Standard

As a young millennial who’s tried several different ways to find help for their anxiety/depression/suicidal tendencies, and has yet to find an effective and affordable solution, finding a support group has both induced relief and anxiety, because there’s not much else beyond this. This has to be it.

But what’s the worst that could happen? Instead of thinking of ways I could get in my own way in this respect, I’m mostly just worried about making a fool of myself.

I’m going to smile uncomfortably while speaking.giphy

I’m going to cry during someone else’s share and try to hide it.giphy (1)

I’m going to want to hug a stranger, but will ask first.giphy (2)

Can I bring doughnuts? Not just for myself, but for everyone.

giphy (6)

I’m going to fight feeling terrible about my pathetic story after hearing someone’s really powerful one.

giphy (3)

I’m going to be self-conscious talking about suicide with my husband in the room.giphy (4)

I’m going to want to flake out and not attend one, or multiple nights, but I’ll go anyway.giphy (5)

It’s going to be aggravating, embarrassing and painful, but no matter how much awkward or how much derp I am, it has to work.

Advertisements

More reactions to everyday sexism

Standard

I just returned from an interview as part of my job as a reporter, to which I’d decided to walk, because it was only a 10-minute walk and it’s spring. But of course, I experienced what I was raised to expect and tolerate; assholes.

In a short 10-minute walk, I experienced an entire list of things that are way too common for anyone to have asked for it.

1.When you feel like you HAVE to say hi to a guy when they say hi to you, even when they definitely aren’t making eye contact.

foff

2. When you can feel your skin crawl while some old guy who probably has children stares at you.

ew

3. When you start to question your definitely-not-come-hither outfit just because some pervert hooted at you.

lookaway

4. When you Google Maps directions to walk somewhere, and rethink going because the directions take you off heavily-trafficked streets.

shit

5. When you make the conscious decision not to make eye contact with anyone, because that may be too inviting.

mommydearest

6. When you’re walking down the street alone, in broad daylight, but still feel the need to walk  closer to another person so you aren’t singled out… again.

meangirls.gif

7. When you’re relieved to see other women.

thankgod.gif

8. When you have to clench your fist not to flip a cat caller off because you’re alone, and he’s a man.

hateyou.gif

9. When you realize part of the reason you loved this haircut was because you thought it wouldn’t attract pigs, and you were wrong.

comeon

10. When you realize the moment you get back to work/home/a familiar place that you were clenching your teeth the entire time you were outside.

stressed

6 amusing things about depression

Standard

In honor of stopping my pills and feeling semi-normal for the first time in a while, here are the things I’ve just embraced about depression, and even find somewhat amusing.

When you know you’re only getting compliments because people don’t know how else to talk to you.

awkward

When your mom says “your self esteem” in reference to your mental illness.

nope

When someone tries to talk to you while you’re working through an anxiety attack.

cry

“How are you doing?”

dunno

When someone can relate to your brain.

friends

When you finally relax and your body handles it by twitching.

cool

10 times I realized I’m Dee Reynolds

Standard

1. When I start to think about planning a honeymoon.

anigif_enhanced-27536-1417050654-7

2. The morning after I test my new wine glass that claims to be able to hold a bottle of wine… and it wasn’t lying.

tumblr_mso4a1RrQR1spdmg3o1_250

3. That time I ordered a Quarter Pounder with cheese, and they forgot the cheese.

It-s-Always-Sunny-in-Philadelphia-8x08-its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia-32947654-500-200

4. Every time Beyonce comes on.

tumblr_mn15a2ealT1qza02eo1_400

5. When I get paid and automatically have to pay my loans.

tumblr_n7mhe4o9yr1tu7965o1_500

6. When someone reminds me of my soft voice/quiet tendencies.

9MNXv_s-200x150

7. “When are you going to have kids?”

tumblr_inline_mwfo0aqf261qiw26m

8. When my husband tries to talk to me before I’m ready to wake up.

tumblr_n3m1erzkFr1sjbapyo2_r2_250

9. When my friends and I go to Target.

tumblr_ltujsjrLUI1qz9ebq

10. When I try to drink like I used to in college.

anigif_enhanced-mid-2710-1421186853-4

I’ve grown up way too fast since graduating

Standard

It was a year ago that I graduated from college, and in that time I’ve moved across the country twice, moved in with my significant other, had two jobs, been promoted, gotten engaged to said significant other and have started noticing just how important moisturizer is to the skin underneath my eyes… because it’s begun to wrinkle. I’m basically a shar pei underneath my eyes now.

tumblr_n5s5v444fO1sh43kgo1_250

But beyond wrinkles, doing all this stuff in so little time has caused me to age mentally by, like, at least 15 years. It’s most noticeable when I’m interacting with fellow post-grads. Between the lingo that I’ve lost track of, and the energy I’ve lost altogether, I’m no longer a peer. I’m pretty much that aunt on Facebook who still capitalizes “lol” and shares the same eCards that were popular six years ago (I don’t capitalize “lol.” I don’t even use “lol,” because rarely do I “laugh out loud.” That’s just false advertising. You don’t laugh out loud when I ask you what you’re up to, and you say “nothing lol.” You’re lol’ing like everyone was brb’ing back in 1999. Nobody ever just brb’d. They left. They were gone. The latest “Friends” episode was clearly more important than making plans to see “Fight Club” before it left theaters.).

...Because you won't be.

…Because you won’t be.

1. Going out to the bar after work is a fantasy that likely will never happen. Not unless we gain 10 more hours the next time we set our clocks back for daylight saving time. I can’t just pick up a Red Bull and throw on my hooker boots anymore. I need a nap, a DD and a Subway sandwich as insurance for my laughably low tolerance.

f2S7X5D

2. When you use this week’s random new millenial phrase, such as “on fleek” or “bae,” I make this face:

Lol+wut+_e8fb50fb27f5843acaa15f9b221c4564

3. I have no idea which reality shows are now on MTV. I gave up when “Teen Mom” just inspired more teens to become moms.

fada6375c9a67af3949e51a484fb0aa987470c7a_m

4. When I see minors (that’s another thing, I say “minors”) doing things they shouldn’t, I often say to myself, “Where is your mother?” I revel in the thought of taking those teens by the ears, taking them home to their mothers and having those mothers say, “Thank you, responsible twenty-something who acts at least 15 years older than she really is. I hope this child turns out to be just like you.”

rs_500x239-150427133139-sm7PVze

But, hey, here’s to being young.

Some things I know now

Standard

In a week and a half, I’ll have been trolling the Earth for 24 years, and in all that time (this is a total joke, I’m still basically a fetus), I’ve learned a couple things. And it’s your lucky day, because I’m going to share them with you. On dating: It’s completely pointless until you can spend your own money and make your own rules. My children will not do it until they’re 40. datingOn saying no: Doesn’t matter what it’s in response to; “Want to wear a side ponytail?” “No.” “I just met you, and I’m not a paid bartender. Want to try this drink I made?” “No.” “Want to go on a blind date in the 21st century?” “No.” Don’t be ashamed to say it, no matter what anyone says about you. no On saying yes: Not everything will result in death; “Hey work friend, wanna get a drink around a lot of people after work?” “Yes.” “Here, take a cheeseburger.” “Yes.” “You’re pretty uncoordinated, but let’s go ice skating anyway.” “Yes.” Sometimes it’s OK to go outside of your comfort zone, and potentially break your tail bone. adventure On breaking up: Whether it’s with friends or significant others (but especially with friends), just stick to it. There’s clearly a reason you thought to do it in the first place, so don’t be a flake. That just makes both of you crazy. bye On tight clothes: There’s form-fitting, and then there’s a sausage casing. Know your limits. clothes On toilet paper: You can never have too much toilet paper. Take a look around your place and note all the things you can’t use in the place of toilet paper. Buy it. All of it. toiletpaper On makeup: Less is always more. That smokey eye can get disastrous pretty fast. And you should always be able to find your eyelids after applying eyeliner. makeup On mean people: You will be amazed at how good you feel if you just kill people with kindness. Don’t make the bug up someone else’s butt your bad day. That way, you can walk away knowing you didn’t do anything wrong. fake On your personality: Not everyone’s going to like it. That’s OK, it’s not their personality to like. judy-i-dont-care-gif Anywho, that’s some of what I have so far in life. The rest is about “i” coming before “e,” and shaving against the grain.

Whiplash: When you get a promotion and engaged within two weeks

Standard

So, you know how I said I was in a rut? I’m not anymore. I’m actually losing my mind with absolute happiness, because in the last two weeks, I’ve gotten a fantastic promotion after only working here for a month…

married5

… And then, the most amazing man in the whole entire world asked me to marry him, and I was like…

married3

I cannot explain how ridiculously, overwhelmingly, mind-blowingly happy I am right now. I’ve had the goofiest smile on my face for three days now, and it’s not going away anytime soon. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, this job is everything I’ve ever wanted and combined it’s better than winning the lottery.

My hope is that everyone else has at least one day in which they are so stupidly happy that people randomly catch you smiling and it makes them smile (yes, that’s happened several times to me).

And that’s all.

married6