Some things

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1. Has anyone ever read an editorial about how young girls need to change their views on body image, and that skinny isn’t always healthy, only to see their headshot and find that the whole thing was written by a skinny person? I realize today’s body image issues plague women of all sizes, but for some reason I always feel tricked to find those writers aren’t my size. In my mind, how could someone of a small size speak for the messed-up minds of those who’re of bigger sizes, if they aren’t in the same boat? Yes, I know that even smaller women can see themselves as “fat,” but as someone who’s closer to the adjective than some of the people writing about it, it’s just somewhat irksome.

grrr2. I am completely fed up with the way my brain works when I’m in front of a mirror. It is constantly attacking itself, making me want to do stupid things to be thinner, when I know that this is my body, and this is how it looks. What is this thigh-gap business, this protruding-bone thing, and why do I want it so much?

I see gorgeous stuff like–

ughAnd I’m just over here, like–

seriouslyHow did this happen! When did it happen! I’ve come to terms with the fact that my hair does whatever it wants, so why can’t I treat my waistline the same way? Why is my first reaction when walking past a mirror to stand up straight so it looks like I don’t have a stomach, or turn my head in a way that makes it look like I don’t have more than one chin? I hate every photo taken of me, simply because I don’t look like a 12-year-old with a metabolism faster than a speeding bullet. And then when I see a piece of pizza, I want to be like–

no

┬áBut I tell myself all like–

not happeningAnd then I just end up eating it because I haven’t eaten in like a day-and-a-half.

And I know this isn’t just me. There are so many other women my age who go through this daily, but we all pretend it’s funny. Hey, we’re average, but we’ll call ourselves fat because that’s how all the average-sized girls on TV are cast. And then we start to believe it, and then we’re just stuck, blogging about it and contemplating how long you have to go without eating before your body starts eating itself.

I’m sorry, this wasn’t a funny or cute post, but it’s just so hard for me to be funny or cute when I’m hangry and can’t get rid of my thighs.

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Why I cannot drink coffee ever, ever again

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coffee

Recently, I gave up coffee. I know, it’s a sin, but my intentions were noble. So then today I got a large iced coffee from McDonald’s and now I feel like I’m on crack. I don’t even know what crack feels like, but based off of what I’ve seen in movies and have dramatized in my imagination, this is pretty close to being on crack. So now, I am swearing off coffee for good, and here’s why.

1. I have been shaking uncontrollably for about five hours straight, and will probably continue to do so well into the night.

shaking

2. This headache is making my vision blurry, so therefore, the world is coming to an end.

dying3. Have you ever had so much energy that you’re afraid you’re just going to Hulk out on someone and lose all control of your bodily functions? No? Oh…

giphyThat may not seem like a lot of reasons to give up coffee, but when they’re happening at a high intensity and all at once, it’s exhausting and I can’t really think about much else. I don’t even know, like… I can’t even… No.

what-is-happening