I’m Moving to Oregon, and Have Some Feelings



In just under two months, I’ll be moving to Oregon to start my career. It couldn’t come at a better time, as I’ve been slipping rapidly into a bagel craze that would absolutely result in me becoming a couch cushion in my parents’ house if I didn’t have my life together before I graduated.

I have many feelings on the subject of starting a new life 3,000 miles from my family and friends, some of which I am not proud of.

1. I have to stop spending money like an underage kid in a strip club.


2. I won’t be able to see my family for, like, years. Or until I save up enough money for a plane ticket.


3. I have to drive across the country, and I’ve never driven any longer (on purpose) than 30 minutes.


 4. I get to make new friends, which may or may not be a success.


5. I’ll probably live super close to the beach, thereby ending my ghostliness. 


6. I’ll have a job doing what I absolutely LOVE.

EXCITED EXCITED2 EXCITED3This will be the most horrifying, life-changing, ridiculous, wonderful thing I’ve ever done. I’m going to be crying for the next two months, and won’t be able to tell if I’m happy or sad. But could you pass up this opportunity? I can’t. So either way, whether I succeed or fail, I’ll be glad I took a chance.



List of Shameful Senior Things


1. That I’m ready to graduate, but will probably bawl my eyes out while crossing the stage.


2. That I’m in a steaming heap of debt that I’ll need to begin paying off in steaming-heap amounts in eight months.


3. That I don’t have a job to begin paying off those loans in eight months… And I’ll probably need two.


4. That each of my posts’ titles haven’t been in down style, and I’m a journalism major. I won’t change it now, I’ve already come this far.


5. That whenever I look nice in class, my classmates are surprised.


6. That my boyfriend is trying to eat healthier foods, and instead of eating healthy with him, I inhaled a personal pizza last night.


7. That I haven’t worn jeans, or real pants in general, since last winter.

Actually, you know what? That’s commitment. Do you know what the polar vortex was like in leggings? It was not pleasant. My thighs will probably be found in a giant block of ice in a million years, next to a mammoth, after shoveling six inches of frozen snow in ridiculous winds. So no, I’m not ashamed of the dedication I’ve shown to this thinly-layered way of life.


8. That I’ve shown more dedication to leggings than to eating healthy with my boyfriend…


Katy Perry is Perfect (And Other Gym Realizations)


i'm fat


I’ve been trying to bang out 30 minutes on the elliptical more often. Mostly because my thighs have been pretty disappointing, but also because endorphins make clothes look better on me. This also gives me half an hour to reflect on some aspects of life, as well as sweat a shameful amount.

1. Katy Perry is my spirit animal. I’m not a big pop music fan. But let’s be honest, when it comes to working out, Mumford & Sons doesn’t do jack to my heart rate. I need something fun and sassy. Therefore, my playlist for the gym usually consists of Beyonce, Jay Z, Ice Cube (try not to look so surprised, jerk) and Katy Perry. And let me tell you, I don’t care if her last album was more of the same, Katy is the epitome of girl power, and she doesn’t need to change for anyone. Also, I think she’s… me? I don’t know, but think about it. The evidence is pretty ridiculous.


2. Early morning is the best time to go to the gym. Really though, people who just want to get their workout in without getting checked out or feel like they’re competing with someone on the next machine get it over with when they wake up. I go at 6 a.m. because there’s no way I’m trying to have the entire campus see my beet-red, sweaty mug bopping on the elliptical, or my ginormous ‘donk bounce to the off-beat. Sorry, I have cellulite, I’m not blonde, and spanks are not appropriate running apparel for all this. Congrats to you if you can pull that off. Also, you do not belong at the gym. You’re done. Go eat.

3. Do you smile while you work out? I do. Is that weird? I’ve found that if I listen to a song that reminds me of one of the few times I felt cool, I smile while listening to it, and it helps boost my morale. I also end up looking like that creepy woman smiling at the gym, so I try not to do it anymore, and just smile on the inside.


Here’s hoping I don’t get kicked out.