I do my work. I’m an honest person when it counts (and even when it doesn’t and I try to lie, it doesn’t work out. My face gives me away every time). So I don’t like when things that I love deceive me. In this case, Zumba and Taco Bell.
You’d think that the two wouldn’t go together, but when your life consists of Zumba on Thursdays and ladies night on Fridays, they actually play about as important a role as birth control.
But how could two of the purest things known to man possibly betray you, you ask? Let me break it down.
1. Staying in the back of the Zumba class does not make it a less embarrassing experience. Especially when the class takes place at the center of a track and is shared with a basketball and volleyball court. No portion of that class is safe. You can’t hide from the instructor, or the beefy basketball players pretending not to scam on the 20 girls shimmying five feet away.
2. Taco Bell really only has two buyers; drunks and people who eat like they’re drunk. Not the athlete you saw in the commercial. Not the swim team after practice. Not the soccer mom after she picks her kids up. You will honestly only ever see people who wish they were somewhere else, and your girlfriends post-ladies night rolling through the “South of the border.”
3. Also, Taco Bell’s food never, EVER looks as nice as in the commercials. McDonald’s might. Wendy’s has a pretty good chance. But let’s be real. Since most of the people who eat there are either in sweatpants or are rocking a broken heel, there’s a good chance they don’t care about how the food looks. There’s also a pretty good chance they won’t even look at the food before they inhale it (I am guilty of this).
4. Most people cannot look sexy during Zumba. No matter how much you’re rolling your hips or popping your ‘donk, you’re more than likely doing it with pits, and backs, and butts, and boobs. The sweaty kind, not the fun kind. Zumba is war, and if you’re doing it right, you will not make it out of there without feeling like you just played a championship football game.
5. It is a big deal when you’ve gotten through a Zumba class. You just danced your heart out and kept up with about 70 percent of the dance moves. It’s a ginormous feat, and don’t let any skinny girl tell you otherwise. You are impressive.
Despite all this, I’m still going to both fairly regularly.